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Sunday, March 31, 2013

Bold Strategy

Harry Potter can fly around all day with something between his legs, but in ski racing, that generally means your day is over.

I like when panels are placed pretty high up, because that generally means it's lights out when someone straddles... this panel placement is altogether too low.  Barely even comical.
Reach for the golden snitch!  Is that a Ravenclaw GS suit I see?
Okay... I guess we're starting to get there
#Charmin #twoply #wipefromfronttoback
See the semi-exciting conclusion after the jump!

Friday, March 29, 2013

Afganistan

NYT Post:

 
Yo are those next year's rossis?

Shredding for Allah!

My Comedic Wit

Unfortunately has very real bounds.  "Never Give Up" images sent by Clark via George Capaul.  But at a certain point I don't have much more for you.  All you need to know is there were more than 20 pictures of this.

The stage is set.  The underrated aspect of this photo series... why is this person wearing 4 inch long shinguards?
Being backseat in the transition seems to be the smallest of your issues right now. 
Not too shabby!
 After the jump... many more pictures of a similar thing.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Chariots of Fire...

Time to say goodbye.  Highway to the danger zone.  That's all this video needs.  This video combines two things France is famous for:  Elegance and failure.


Senior spring!  The boys are back in town!  Submit things!  theamericanmob@gmail.com

Monday, March 25, 2013

Round 'Em Up

A few pics from USCSA Natties, and a mean old pic from Ski Racing, fighting to retain relevancy in these days of Alpine Press, and, more importantly, Slalom Tokyo Drift.

The underrated part of this picture is you can see the guy behind him about to rip an arc... you were in first place bro!  You were gonna win!  Sucks to suck.
It's hard to think when you've got soggy noodles for brains.  #impacttest
No style points in USCSA racing bro.  Or maybe there are.  I don't really know.  It's whatever.

Brutal!  Brutal, Ski Racing!  Jeez!  I mean yeah Marcel is a hipster but that's just rude.
Solid vids coming up... theamericanmob@gmail.com with that new new.

Saturday, March 23, 2013

How Fast

Does your car go from zero to 60?  Because this girl goes from zero to crash in about three frames.  Nothing good to see here folks.  Just pure out get worked sauce.  Move along.  Move along.

This turn brought to you by the letter "A"
This is how someone looks when they are taking a shower and someone suddenly rips back the shower curtain.  Yikes!
Wait a sec.  Waiiiit.  Take a look at that left ski.  Take a look at that right ski.  Are we seeing what I think we're seeing?
Exhilarating conclusion after the jump!  Plus video too.

Friday, March 22, 2013

And Four For You

You go, Glen Coco.

I'd hate to see how this guy looks in GS.
Send me stuff!  High quality pipeline... high quality sunburn.  Waterville tomorrow boys and girls!

theamericanmob@gmail.com with crashes and hilarity!

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Unbelievable

Sam... get your blog game going.

I'm on my way back from a phenomenal spring break with George Rolfs and Lloyd Laidlaw.  Sorry for the lack of posts but believe Tokyo Drift will be up and running at redline speeds until the snow melts.  The pipeline is full.  In my time away I came up with hundreds of new ways to make fun of people losing their outside ski.  Life is good.  Sunburnt arms and frostbitten toes.

For your viewing pleasures, thanks to Alex Leich:

Grind til you get it, cuz the sky is the limit.  So much going on in this photo, I don't even know.  I take it back.  I'm rusty.  Sorry.  Please forgive me.
Last FIS races this weekend, at Waterville Valley.  Slaloms.  Purple Cobra?  Started from the bottom now we here.  Glory days.  These pictures were the beginning of the blog.  Waterville Valley slaloms.
Believe it or not, I have had those blue swix poles for 8 years without them breaking.
The original accordion turn.  Kinda brings a tear to my eye now.  #nostalgia  
 And I love it.

Friday, March 15, 2013

Max (Whip) Lash

Oh boy.  This was a huge crash.  This was a humungous crash.  This was a... Mammoth... crash.  Although from what Max tells me, he did not suffer a scratch.  The skis and bindings are toast though.  J2 Nattys.  Or as they say now, U18 Nattys.  Feast away.  Video or pics first?  Probably pics.

Take out the cell phone.  Call up the lawyers.  Get the will drafted before you land.  Lord knows you have enough air time.  And your death is near certain.
I imagine that Max is currently looking at his shadow.  What do you see, Max?
Max has been in the air long enough that the entire west coast team has come up with separate "east coast speed team" jokes.  Sick, west coast team.  Cut us some slack.  Go to D'Ellie's, then we'll talk about elite downhills.
I like that Max is putting out a hand right now.  Dude, that's not gonna cut it.  Not all the one-handed pushups in the world could prepare you for the impact coming up.
 Video: (Oh gosh...)
video
Thanks to everyone for the crash.  Refill the blog pipeline!  theamericanmob@gmail.com.  Going away for a while.  Let's see how Sammy Mac blogs without me.  Breakfast for days!  Most important meal of the day.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Ohhhh Geez

More Moose.

#nofilter
Unreal Mammoth crash coming tomorrow.

theamericanmob@gmail.com for submissions.  Thanks sirs and ma'ams.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Undergate? Or... UNDER, gate.

Awesome blog title.  Way to kill it, Ian.  Sometimes hoodrats gotta do hoodrat things with their friends.

Knifing.  Arcing.  All about that rap life.  Get those angles son.
#lostandfound #outsideski #groin
Video + conclusion after the jump:

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Potential Attributes

If I had the choice between two abilities in my life, and the two abilities were showmanship, or the ability to match the angle of the terrain with my skis, I would choose showmanship almost every time.  However, if I were skiing Super G?  I would choose the ability to match the angle of the terrain with my skis.  Yikes.  Yikes.  BAM.  Rockstar Lifestyle.  Everyone loves it.  Colin Kamphuis, you're a legend.  Super G at Stowe.

Pterodactyls live!
Line me up baby.  Line me up.
Okay.  Real talk?  Colin goes SO big right here.
Uh oh...
See the show-stopping conclusion + video after the jump!

Monday, March 11, 2013

Vertical Video

...You GOTTA switch it to portrait mode.  Can't screen shot too well from this one but, ya know.  Canada.  What scrubby phones.  What scrubby people.  Just kidding.  Thanks to le mat for the video:



Crash Of The Year

Incredible.  Legendary.  This crash has the best slow motion breakdown of anything I've ever seen.  Plus I don't think he was hurt too badly... so I don't feel bad.  Fritz Dopfer.  So hot right now.  Uvex poster boy.  Popping lenses like Sean Carter keeps popping tags.
There's being inside the line... and there's being WAY inside the line.  Fritz is WAY inside the line.
Oh boy.  This is where it starts... I'm about to tease the shit out of you.  What happens?  What happens?
 Pics + video after the jump.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Just Some Pics

Ramen noodles cooked for 30 minutes say, "Now that's soft!"  Golden retriever puppies say "Now that's soft!"

That hole in the tip probably seems like a great idea right about now, huh?
Sometimes you gotta get your kicks... on route 66...
#Whoturnedoutthelights
Submissions to theamericanmob@gmail.com, thanks to Christian for the pics.

Gatekeeper Problems

What a thankless job.  Standing out there in a GS race (who goes the wrong way around GS gates anyways?) for hours on end in the cold snow.  Visability?  None.  Course holds?  All the time.  And right when you think that's the worst of it.. you get rogue skis attacking you!  What do you mean?  Well, take a spin down memory lane from the Burke E-Cups:
Brad Farrell... Shred it and forget it!  Angles for days at Warren's Way.
Umm... bro? 
You forgot your ski!  Tighten that forward pressure, Brad!  Pick that DIN up a bit!
From this point on... Disregard Brad.  He's fine.  Trust me.  He gets out of this no problem.  I'm gonna need you to focus on the ski.  Let's see what the ski does here.
See what the ski does after the jump!  It's pretty goooooood... video too.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Gate Bases...

They sure are solid, huh?

The elusive ski boner!
Thanks to Erv for the pic.  He informs me that the ski did not break!

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Liam Mulhern: Trendsetter

I've already versed my thoughts and feelings on Whiteface, but here is some more carnage for your eyes.  This guy is drifting and cruising turns like Vin Diesel as Dom Torreto in his daddy's car.  This guy is Tokyo Drift, embodied.  The messiah of arcing.  We have found a savior.  Twintips.

What could be the most remarkable part of this sequence is it appears to be a very nice day at Whiteface!
It pains me to say this... but I'm running out of fun jokes for when people lose their outside ski.
See if Ian is still a funny blogger after the jump!

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Burke

Home of the world's best urinals. Seriously. Venture into the Men's bathroom, and notice that while going about your business there's an eye-level window that looks out onto the majestic Willoughby gap. By craning your neck at an awkward angle (probably don't try this if you don't know the guy peeing next to you) you can catch a glimpse of the view's newest addition: 17 windmills churning away across the valley. The remains of a late Eocene mountain chain uniquely eroded by glaciers, and 21st century clean energy, all in one piss!

Rating:
Quality-3
Quantity-5
Eatability-4
Price-4.50
Overall-2.67

Some people said they had good sandwiches. Mine was not. Burnt muffin, soggy bun, heavy fog... Ben seems to be enjoying his taste.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Video Screenshots

Are great.  But every once in a while you need some good, solid images of a big old crash.  Thanks to Mike for the pics!
This is like two guys peeing in the same toilet... just crossing some tips.
You can't be a great boxer without great footwork.  That's what I learned today.
DJ Khaled looks at this skis and says... now THAT'S out here grinding!
#OhLookAPenny
More pics after the jump:

Monday, March 4, 2013

Oh, Boys. Oh No, Boys.

His day is about to go... downhill.  *Doug Lewis Laugh*

Do you think Nordica is upset the little N is covered up on his right ski?  I bet they aren't.

Thanks to Christian for the submission.  I'm running low on blog pipeline so send it all in to theamericanmob@gmail.com

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Minister of De-Fence

Ohhhh boy.  Those commentators are just large and in charge today, huh.  Jared Goldberg at Kvitfjell having some #spidermanproblems.  Doug Lewis and Steve Perino calling it how it is.  No mercy.  No mercy.  Hard hitting.

Sometimes you hear that Miley, and you just gotta put your hands up.
Sometimes you hear that Lil Jon, and you just gotta get low...
From the window....
To the fence!
Wait a second...
Steve Perino:  "Not a lot of people in Norway... so sometimes help doesn't get here right away."
Conclusion and video after the jump: