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Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Where Did My Pole and Glove Go Wednesday

Simple.  Short.  To the point.


Thanks to William for the video!  @gabbelinho on course.  Crashes to theamericanmob@gmail.com.  Slalom Ace out.

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Taylor Swift Tuesday

Sometimes you gotta shake it off!  Markus Duerager taking a gate a couple hundred meters down the track in Santa Caterina, Italy.  I am so impressed that he kept skiing after this.  If anyone can rally up a picture of what Markus's back looks like after this injury, I'd like to see it.  Jesus Cristo.


Moment of truth:

You know who really feels bad about this?

The seven guys that finished behind Markus Duerager.  Markus Duerager is a sick name.  A duerager is a party that happens because a party hasn't happened in a while.  You're simply due for a rager.  Duerager.  Yeah yeah yeah.  Crashes to theamericanmob@gmail.com.  Slalom Ace out.

Monday, December 29, 2014

Post Holiday Depression

I know we all have it.  Feeling down, then up, then down.  Just like Mario in Austria!


US Ski Teamer Bryce Astle got a little too turnt at Copper, and he paid the price.


The Slalom Tokyo Drift instagram account had it's first cyberbulling incident while debating whether this was real or fake:


And the snow snakes of Waterville Valley claimed another victim.


Trouble, trouble.  Send crashes to theamericanmob@gmail.com!  Slalom Ace out.

Saturday, December 27, 2014

Schneider Cup Wh-Wh-WHAMMY!

This moment makes me proud because it's the first time one of the athletes that I coach has made it onto Slalom Tokyo Drift.  It's great knowing the bad habits that I've had throughout my ski career can be perpetuated for eternity.  Slalom Tokyo Drift will keep being a source for great crashes for generations to come.  Sam Marshall getting EATEN ALIVE out there at Cranmore.  Bad boy lifestyle, in-DEED.

Dear diary.  Today, I shit my pants.
That ski is getting away from Sam like a fuel tank leaving a shuttle.
This is where I show you a visual representation of my simile.
I love this.  I love this so much.  Look at Sam's face.  Pure terror.  Who knew you should be wearing shin guards for GS?
But it looks like he's gonna pull this off!  Hard arcing, this should be no problem to come to a quick stop. 
Whoops.  I also like how Sam's other ski is now following him like a heat seeking missile.
What a sweet DNF.  This had just about everything a young boy needs in a crash.  And it all started with Marker bindings.
Thanks to Sam for the crash!  Send the goods to theamericanmob@gmail.com.  Slalom Ace out.

Friday, December 26, 2014

Fifty Course Friday

Val Senales, Italy


What would go through my head in the start gate here?  Maybe Coldplay?  I would wonder if I was a special little unique snowflake after all.  I would wonder if maybe I should have asked for a Garmin GPS for Christmas after all.  This must be what Nemo's dad feels like on his mission to Sydney, or Liam Neeson feels like on a daily basis.  But just because you're losing, doesn't mean you're lost.  Thanks to Alberto for the picture!  Content to theamericanmob@gmail.com.  Slalom Ace out.  

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Proctor Angles Squad

From the mean, steep, and short slopes of Proctor/Blackwater, I bring you a wipeout.  This has all the makings of truly great crash -- early season, flat light, beat up course, girl with a bib rank almost in the hundreds.  These are the things I give thanks for this time of year.  The only think it's really missing is a Marker binding malfunction.  Strange.  Let's get to it!  Sadie on the skis.
Ted Ligety drags knucks?  So do I!
Ted Ligety lays that hip onto the snow for angles?  Me too!
Well, we can't all be Ted Ligety, renowned winter Olympian...
So it's time to change sports!  Nice backstroke Michael Phelps!
Thanks to Caitlin for the photos!  Merry Christmas everyone!  Crashes to theamericanmob@gmail.com.  Slalom Ace out.



Monday, December 22, 2014

Speed Roundup For The Boys

ESPN got nothing on me.  Three blog posts, three days!  Look at me go!  Getting a fire lit under that ass!  I deserve a Pulitzer or three.  First up we have my main girl Lotte Smiseth Sejersted, bringing to the course one of the harder crashes of the year and one of the harder names to spell.  Featuring an absolutely vintage Steve Porino quote.  "On her MELON... and into the ORANGE room!"  Stop trying to make "Orange room" happen.


Laurenne Ross going in SWITCH!  But unfortunately speed skis don't have twin tips.  And there's no style points in speed.  Oh well.  You live and you learn.



And Florian Scheiber showing why you get forward over terrain.  Florian hits those bumps just perfectly wrong, smashes his head, and goes limper than me on Saturday at 2am.




Florian Schieber could potentially be a before model for proactive at this point.  I guess that's nice.
A photo posted by Scheiber Florian (@flo_scheiber) on
Crashes to theamericanmob@gmail.com.  Slalom Ace out.

Sunday, December 21, 2014

Bridgestone Tire Sponsorship

Samu Tortsi of Finland with an early nomination for 2014-2015 crash of the year!  From today's GS at Alta Badia.  Steve Porino with the dad joke of the decade... "Never has a Bridgestone... had such little traction."  Whammy!


Right here Samu kind of looks like an albino turtle emerging from his shell.
If there's anything Slalom Tokyo Drift appreciates, it's showmanship
So Samu, take a bow.  You deserve it.  Crashes to theamericanmob@gmail.com.  Slalom Ace out.

Saturday, December 20, 2014

Show Me Some Crashes Sunday

Woot woot let's let the pain keep rolling on.  Federico Paini shows that just because the slalom takes place around the disco sticks -- it doesn't mean everyone can dance.


Candace Crawford took a shot to the face and kept on rolling #datreachdoe #faceshot #butnotlikethat


Kaitryn tested out some B-Net:


And Maarten got sick with it!  The Millennium Falcon doesn't take off quite like that.


Boo, yah, bay, bee, booyah baybee PEW PEW!  Crashes to theamericanmob@gmail.com.  Slalom Ace out.

It's Saturday! Let's Get Radical

I have a bunch of videos for you!  It takes forever to sort through all of them these days.  I'm really happy with how popular STD is getting, but I completely don't understand why people continue to send videos of videos to me.  It's on your computer... why do you video it from your phone first?  Why?  Anyway, here's some highlights about what's happened over the last week.

Daniel tried skiing downhill at Steamboat and took one of the longest slides I've ever seen:


Sing it, Paul!  Arthur showed off his sweet hand eye coordination.  Skiers aren't supposed to have hand eye coordination!  And yet this guy has mitts like Manny Machado.


Cooper took his GoPro down Beaver Creek, and let us all know where X marks the spot.


Kai went RIGHT over the handlebars (35 seconds in):


Mikayla found a snow snake:


A Michaela with a different spelling got later... and later... and later...


Part two coming tomorrow.  Crashes to theamericanmob@gmail.com.  Slalom Ace out!

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Finish Line Friday

Today, I bring you a trio of crashes to remind you -- the race doesn't stop at the finish line!  First, from the land of the Ankenys and Ides, I bring you a Maddie "Chekko yourself before you wrekko yourself" Dekko crash.  The nice thing about Minnesota races is that you can cover the whole thing from one camera point.  Anyway, I'm in love with this crash.  You think she's gonna save it, but does she?  I'll let you decide.  But she doesn't.  Thanks for the comedic joy you bring to my life Maddie "Deck o' cards" Dekko:


Next up we have Warren Rixon, going in HAM at Sunday River.


And finally, Paul's crash at Piche's... believe it or not, this was the first place run!  Great commentary captured by the camera as well.  Way to go Paul!  Way to go!


Thanks to everyone for the vids!  Slalom Ace out.

Woot Woot! Thursday Roundup

Coupla videos for the boys and girls!  First off we got Valerie just putting the absolute fear of God into everyone at Lake Louise during the Nor-ams.  Are you kidding me?  I'd do some extra squats and avoid skiing speed for a while Val... karma can come back to haunt you real quick.


From the Europa cups at Levi post world cup, we have Emil taking some sorta weird crash that I can't really wrap my head around right now.  To be honest, I don't even know enough about the first name "Emil" to even make a gender call right now.  The hair doesn't help much.


Taking what looks like the exact same crash as above... we have Matt Price taking a Q-Crash at Q-Burke Mountain.  Narrated by Christin, I recognize that voice.


Mat reaching out for the golden snitch!
Tomorrow -- finish line friday!  Crashes to theamericanmob@gmail.com.  Slalom Ace out.

Sunday, December 7, 2014

River Radamus Copper Frontflip

I bring you a great crash from early season training at Copper.  River Radamus is a young ripper who can ski just about anything.  Except for hairpins, it seems.  But what a recovery!  River Radamus is part cat, it appears.


Videos to theamericanmob@gmail.com.  Slalom Ace out.

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Good Save Saturday

Patrick Kueng doing it B-I-G at Beaver Creek.  Jeezus.  I think I pooped my pants and I'm not even wearing pants.  I mean this is not good.  Bad.  BAD.  Good save Patrick.


Time for me to re-use the oldest joke in Slalom Tokyo Drift's history.  It comes out every time this happens.

For a Swiss skier...
That's not a very "neutral" stance!
Followed by:



I got jokes on jokes.  Crashes on crashes.  Slalom Ace out.

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Now That I'm Over My Concussion...

Here are all the crashes you need to watch:

Morgan Heller forgets to tune her skis and pays for it.  If you want the ultimate, you've got to be willing to pay the ultimate price.  That quote doesn't really apply here.



Next up we have Riley Kilgore doing his absolute best to detach his groin from the rest of his body.  I mean come ON.  Is this snow injected?  If so... I'm gonna go ahead and say that as Slalom Tokyo Drift's senior editor, I love injected snow.


On deck we have a video of not Tommaso, sent in by Tommaso.  Snow snakes on snow snakes on snow snakes.


Andrew Hancock forgot to lift over the summer and got eaten alive at Copper.



Then he did a frontflip.


Chauncey Morgan's day ended early:


Chloe Doctor paid the price for getting those big angles...


Luke Prosence found a snow snake at high speed at Copper.


Elle Gilbert brought us a #Middlejerry crash:


Max Peiffer tested out the B-Net in Panorama:


Aaaaaand that's about it for now!  Thanks to everyone for sending me crashes.  More to theamericanmob@gmail.com.  Slalom Ace out.

Monday, December 1, 2014

I fucking ate it

Anything for the kids man.
This is what I do for you.

Lake Louise Roundup

The boys doing it big in the North.  But remember, Canada is like the matrix.  If you die there you die in real life.  It's not just some video game.  Let's check the tale of the tape:


Featuring some of Doug Lewis's best work.  #hottake #hottake #hottakemayor.

Why do they put those bubble things there?
Where did Andreas Romar go?
Peekaboo!  There he is!
Tommy "Bacon egg and cheesy" Biesemeyer getting radical on the steeps
I honestly don't even know how this happens.  He looks like a spaceship trying to land or something.
I would never just throw this out there, but how did you become a world cup skier?
The real question here is what is that blue thing?  Is that his frostbitten jaw?
Contemplating death.  Face already frostbitten a deep hue of purple.
And that's why you stay away from Canada in November.  Thanks to all the skiers for entertaining us for such an insanely lucrative sport.  Still recovering from yesterday.  Crashes to theamericanmob@gmail.com.  Slalom Ace out.

Sunday, November 30, 2014

Elegance is an Attitude

Luxury watches -- they signify taste, power, grace.




Remember, elegance is an attitude.  That's what Longines is all about.  Nick Mitchell forerunning at Aspen.  Thanks to Madi for the photo!  Crashes to theamericanmob@gmail.com.  Slalom Ace out.

Saturday, November 29, 2014

Return of the Snow Snake

From David Grape Larsson, Isak Klein on course.  David tells me that this video is Isak Klein striking again.  Wrong.  So wrong.  This is Isak Klein being STRUCK!  Snakes are gonna snake snake snake snake.


Let's get into Isak's mind right now.

Woo!  Yeah baby!  Arc city mayor!  Ted's gonna watch this video for tips!
Speaking of tips... maybe I shouldn't have put mine on the ground this early.
Right about now is where time starts moving a little slower for you... he's thinking about his future wife that he's not going to have anymore.
Corpses don't have thoughts.
Crashes to theamericanmob@gmail.com.  Please stop sending me videos of videos.  Just download the video, email it to me, boom.  Why do so many of you video the your laptop with your phone and send me the result?  I just don't get it.  Slalom Ace out.

Friday, November 28, 2014

Band Of Brothers

I thought that 10 hours of HBO premium quality war-porn had a lot of carnage in the trenches, but I've never seen anything quite like this:


What a MVP this guy is for fighting through that first crash and letting it ride out.  But ultimately 'twas all for naught, as he went down like that one guy in Band of Brothers that got shot.  You know that guy?  The one that got shot?  Thanks to Steven Nyman for the crash.  Vids to theamericanmob@gmail.com.  Slalom Ace out.

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Happy Thanksgiving

Brought to you by Steve Nyman himself!

This Thanksgiving I'm grateful for Marker Bindings, the new FIS GS ski regulations, Anna Kendrick, Sam, Griffin, Charlie, loose course sets and tight GS suits, and of course snowmaking.  Crashes to theamericanmob@gmail.com.  Slalom Ace out.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Wicked Lucky Wednesday

Whoops!  Check out ya boi Isak Klein showing off those fancy skills!  With the big, but humble celebration after the fact.

 

What do we say when death looks us in the face?  "Not today."  Let's take it to the frame by frame.

Ah, the old tip cross at the top of the turn.  Invented by Jean Claude Killy, some say.  Let's see how that works out!
All signs point to, "Not well" 
Usually not a concern in ski racing, but this guy is doing the best job I've ever seen of trying to hit his nuts on the snow.
Big time snow fart.  Snow diarrhea.  Eat some fiber for me Isak.
But... He's got it! 
Take a look back once...
A look back twice... and think to yourself...


Thanks to Erik and Isak for the near-crash.  Videos to theamericanmob@gmail.com.  Slalom Ace out.

Ludacris Said It Best

Get out the way!


Bring it back for me one time:

That's from Nuunu.  No word on whether the total number of shredded ligaments sustained during that crash.  I like how she pushes up on her poles really fast like she's trying to get out of there in a hurry.  Also for you today:


Which reminds me of a a slower, sadder song...


Happy Tuesday everyone!  Crashes to theamericanmob@gmail.com.  Slalom Ace out.

Monday, November 24, 2014

Mowinckel Monday

This is a phenomenal crash from a few years ago.  Ragnhild Mowinckel (this took me a lot of effort to spell right) doing her best job to show why we don't make those gates out of bamboo anymore.  I mean JESUS.  At least her bindings work like they're supposed to.


BOOYAH BAYBEE!  Crashes to theamericanmob@gmail.com.  Slalom Ace out.

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Close Call in Copper

Ingrid Donnan with a very close call at Copper.  I have a few questions here.  One, why is this video seemingly mounted?  Is that really what we're going with here?  Quality footage of three gates?  I don't think I like that.  But then again, when the only gate you're really focused on is the money gate, I guess I'm not one to argue.

 

Also, just let it be known that a snow snake had nothing to do with this.  Ingrid did not slide her turn or get late or anything.  I checked the slo-mo.  This is just an insanely poorly positioned turn.  Nothing more, nothing less.  No that there's anything wrong with this, but I know snow snakes get a lot of grief on this site and I don't want to give them any more.  Thanks to Gibson for the footage.  Crashes to theamericanmob@gmail.com.  Slalom Ace out.

Friday, November 21, 2014

FLYGANDE FREDAG Roundup

Here are some crashes.  Feast your eyes.  From Andrew Kircher, a few classics for the day.




AJ Barry sent in this nice little #twopaneltuesday crash of Spencer Kofoed doing the damn thing at Copper during the early season:


And finally, for all you Dartmouth and Middlebury skiers out there, here's some good old UVM carnage brought to you by Bobby Paulus.


Thanks so much to everyone for the videos!  After quite a few years doing this, Slalom Tokyo Drift is really starting to pick up some steam.  It's awesome to see 5+ videos in the inbox on a daily basis when it isn't even December yet.  Keep em coming to theamericanmob@gmail.com.  Slalom Ace out.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Olivia Bradley -- Whammy Wednesday

Unfortunately, there isn't a day of the week that starts with C.  So this can't be #combinationcuesday or anything like that.  So we'll just go ahead and call it #whammywednesday and move on.  Olivia Bradley going from 100 to 0 real quick, real fucking quick.  To be honest, I'm still not sure what happened.  The easy guess is snowsnake, but it could be more.  I don't like to just throw that phrase around, jah feel?


Let's break it down and see if we can solve the mystery:
Gates laying sideways and swinging around.  Olivia looks like a Spartan carving her way through a squad of Persian slaves.
When ALL OF A SUDDEN she put her right foot in and her left leg out...
She put both hands in and she shook em all about...
Her head had lots of whiplash and she killed a couple cells, that's what CTE's all about!
Get those Impact Tests done, ladies and gents.  That snow isn't getting any more forgiving, and you are feeeer suuuuure not straddling any less.  Crashes to theamericanmob@gmail.com.  Slalom Ace out.

Club Going Up on a Toepiece Tuesday

Bunch of Toepiece Tuesday videos for you today.  Stay winning.  Brought to you by Marker Bindings and stivots everywhere.

Fredi Schneider getting a little too turnt:
 

Someone crashing somewhere:

I bet when you bought that GoPro 4 you thought your life would be sicker than this:

Club going UP!

Crashes to theamericanmob@gmail.com.  Slalom Ace out.

Monday, November 17, 2014

Banana Splits

Katie Parker doing the damn thing riding that straight and late line.  Well, not really.  But either way, she gets eaten ALIVE by a snow snake.  You hate to see the good ones go out like that.  The winter is long, however.  The winter is long, and many more will go out.  Not with a bang, but with a whimper.


Thanks to Katie for the video.  Snow is falling everywhere!  Crashes to theamericanmob@gmail.com.  Slalom Ace out.

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Snow Snake Sunday

From my boy Joel Müller in Zermatt comes a little snow snake action.  If you wanna be the boss, you gotta pay the cost.


Haters gonna hate, slalom aces gonna ace.  Arc city mayor.  Crashes to theamericanmob@gmail.com.  Slalom Ace out.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

FLOP! I see a FLOP!

My main homey Cantberra getting radical on the slopes.  Cantberra?  I cantberra watch this crash it's so painful.  Though I do think the portion at the end might have been a little embellished.  Why don't you decide:

I'm not denying it was a foul, I'm just saying -- this guy's taken acting classes.  I'd put money on it.  Crashes to theamericanmob@gmail.com.  Slalom Ace out.

Saturday, November 1, 2014

Close Call Saturday

Ya boi Laurie Taylor tempting the gods and snowsnakes alike, but making it out in one piece.  Coached by Borat, it appears.  I like it, I like it a lot.


Thanks to Angus for the vid.  theamericanmob@gmail.com.  Slalom Ace out.


Thursday, October 30, 2014

Haters Gonna Hate

Snowsnakes gonna snake.  From the UNH Funraiser last year.  Where, believe it or not, I had my lowest score ever.  I'm not a player, I just crush a lot.


Knifing through the sludge.  So chumpy, you can carve it
When all of a sudden, our hero hit a pothole.
Looks like Harry Potter reaching for the snitch but trying to stay on his Nimbus 2K.
Annnnnd....
You missed the snitch.  Slytherin won.
That's how fast it happens.  Thanks to Crowley for the pic.  Crashes to theamericanmob@gmail.com. Slalom Ace out.