Tuesday, January 21, 2014


So one of my good friends who goes to UVM recently turned 21, and I went up to Burlington for his birthday.  All of his friends were well into their mid 20s, what with the multiple years on the world cup circuit and all, so he had really been looking forward to finally being able to hit the bars with them.  Anywhere there was this one bar they really said he should go to, and he was really pumped about it, so that's where we went.  I don't really remember the name of it.  Hmm.  I think it was like a weird play on an Irish name or something.  I'm totally blanking, sorry guys.  Anyways, not important.  So we go to the bar around 8:30, sit down, and order a beer.  It's a really weird scene.  First of all, there are no chicks.  Which isn't a big deal or anything, but it was kinda weird.  Obviously chicks are pretty sweet.  Sup laydeeeeeez.  Also, after we got our first round, guys just kept buying us drinks.  But we rolled with it, I just figured someone knew it was his birthday.  Anyways, around 9:30 some guy just grabbed my ass and immediately everything clicked.  I realized it was a gay bar.  Now I'm not homophobic or anything, but I wanted to get out immediately and so did my friend, because we didn't want to spend his 21st birthday there.  We hustled outside to the alleyway and started to reevaluate.  So we're outside, pissed off, he's yelling at his friends on the phone, when I swear to god, a deer walks through the alleyway.  It was probably something to do with the trash out back, I don't know, maybe the deer smelled salt.  But then the deer looks at us and goes, "You guys look disappointed, what's up?"  Without hesitation, and because based on last wildlife wednesday you must know I always talk to animals when they talk to me, I explained the situation.  "Ahh man, that sucks.  Gay bars are tough." said the deer back to us.  "I had a shitty night too."  The deer looked just as upset as I did.  "What happened?" I asked.  The deer looked me right in the eye and wiped his mouth with his hoof.  "I got drunk and blew fifty bucks in there."

Gay bars are tough.  Without further ado!  WILDLIFE WEDNESDAY!
Bet this cute little deer knows just what I'm talking about.  I've seen Bambi, don't even try me.
So anyways... for next Wednesday I'm gonna need a picture/video of an animal that isn't a Bear or Deer, and a corresponding terrible pun joke.  Could be a stretch, loyal readership, but I'm counting on you.  theamericanmob@gmail.com.  Slalom Ace out.

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