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Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Update Plus Bounty

On Sunday I posted a blog about how I had a great time but lost my UNH hat.  Well, today in the mail I received a ransom letter asking for an unspecified amount of cash, two bars of GW25, and a 2015 season pass to Sugarloaf.  But my blood started to boil when a picture fell out of that letter:

A goddamn savage, making a mockery of our human civilization.
A freak wearing my beloved hat.  Well readers, I watch a lot of CSI, so I'm going to take a stab at this one.  It looks like unsaid individual is in a blueish gym.  That leaves Middlebury, Colby, and UNH as potential colleges my ransom artist went to.  But you can see a lot of back muscle, so that clearly takes out Middlebury.  Now you see an extreme amount of hair, so the question is -- boy or girl?  I think though the musculature is strong, the gorgeous hair combined with a slight hint of a camel toe suggests a female.  This makes a lot more sense because women are obsessed with me, and I doubt any redblooded male would take another man's hat.  The only other conclusion I can draw is that this individual clearly is an evil genius.  Look at the left hand.  You can see this ruthless killer pointing to her new hat with her thumb.  The small hands also give credence to the idea that we are dealing with a woman here.  But guess what, I will not be held captive by your love terrorism.

I am putting out a bounty.  One thirty rack of your choice for the hat.  Two thirty racks for the hat... with this lady's head still in it.*  We are looking for a UNH or Colby lady with large back muscles and delicately pretty flow.

Let the hunt begin.

Slalom Ace out.

*Please try to keep blood off the hat.

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