Thursday, October 30, 2014

Haters Gonna Hate

Snowsnakes gonna snake.  From the UNH Funraiser last year.  Where, believe it or not, I had my lowest score ever.  I'm not a player, I just crush a lot.

Knifing through the sludge.  So chumpy, you can carve it
When all of a sudden, our hero hit a pothole.
Looks like Harry Potter reaching for the snitch but trying to stay on his Nimbus 2K.
You missed the snitch.  Slytherin won.
That's how fast it happens.  Thanks to Crowley for the pic.  Crashes to Slalom Ace out.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Garmin GPS Roadmap Athlete

This week's Garmin GPS Roadmap Athlete of the week goes to Col De Vosa, perhaps.  Could also be "Toby".  Not sure of the actual name, but that's what the video clip said.  This is big time.  I mean, how lost are you out there?  Did you inspect?  This is the speed skiing equivalent of Lloyd and Harry going the wrong way on a moped.  Check it out for youselves, ladies and gents.

Yikes.  YIKES.  Realistically though, COME on.

Lined it up...
Blew it.
Definitely blew it.
The real question is who are these coaches?  It sounds like a guy from the Boondock Saints.  Not in a good way.  And what is he doing not filming the aftermath?  If I have one complaint in life, it's coaches that turn off the footage as soon as shit hits the fan.  Let me see the anguish!  Don't make me imagine it!  Ugh.  It's gonna be a LOOOOONG season.  Crashes to  Thanks to Angus for the vid.  Slalom Ace out.

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Snakes on a Course -- Mölltal

Ludvig getting worked by the mean Mölltal snow snake.  Death's gotta be easy, cuz life is hard.  It'll leave ya mentally, physically, and emotionally scarred.

Not much to say about this one except:
Thanks to Andreas for the vid.  Stay safe out there everyone.  Crashes to  Slalom Ace out.

Monday, October 27, 2014

Skier Fights Snowboarder for T-Bar

Well, this is a self explanatory title.  I won't ruin the suspense by telling you who wins.

But I will say, there is an absolutely savage move at 2:02.

You miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take.  And though this didn't work out, I'm sure impressed.  Thanks to Jens for the video!  Crashes to  Slalom Ace out.

Olav Crashes Part 1-3

My man Olav Juvik sent me not one, not two, but THREE crashes from Pitztal last week.  Good work Olav.  Pitztal sounds fucking rough.  Let's see what we're working with here ladies and gents.

Olav, you never snow fart when you are going backwards man!  What are you thinking!
Olav crashing so hard he lost his head... kinda like another Olaf I knew:
Crash one, pretty solid.  What do we have next?

Like the crash, hate the angle.  Whatever.  And the finale, you've all been waiting for it, let's see how the final run goes boys, he's been working for this all week!

Mondays are tough, but Slalom Tokyo Drift is always there for you.  Follow @colmarskiteam to see what Olav and these boys are all about.  Also, sorry for the lack of Men's GS roundup, but it just plain wasn't that good for crashes.  I'm sure Doug Lewis still isn't over it though.  Crashes to  Slalom Ace out.

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Solden Women's Roundup

Some chicks crashed:

Candace Crawford getting a big time welcome to the white circus at her first world cup!
Thaaaat's not how you do it.
Francesca Marsaglia's day started well...
Got a little worse...
Got a LOT worse 
Not always easy to get the red gate plastic out of your teeth.  The struggle is realer than ever.
And finally, Manuela Moelgg shows everyone what happens when you don't get your squats in during the offseason.
Men's roundup coming tomorrow!  Congratulations to Mikaela Shiffrin for her first world cup win.  Crash videos to  Slalom Ace out.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Speed Skiing For Non Believers

Speed skiing -- it sure will put the fear of God into you.  Carina Bracy getting just plain too turnt.  Unreal reaction from the coach.  Just a casual and yet not too casual, "Oh my goodness".  Not too concerned.  And then you have Carina's reaction.  I can't say too much, because I think she was 14 when this happened, but I've heard enough faking in my life to know she's faking it.  And that's enough of that.

Thanks to John for the find.  Winter just keeps on coming closer.  I luv it.  Crashes to  Slalom Ace out.

A Study on C-Net Effectiveness

One of the great and longstanding traditions of ski racing is putting together and taking apart B net.  The poorly executed rolls on headwall at Sugarloaf, the kids walking up from the finish area to avoid taking another run, the KMS kids taking their boots off in the lodge early to avoid doing anything at all, while muttering about how they have frostbite on a 36 degree day.

Elena Curtoni testing out B net
And then of course you have your A net -- those permanent sheets preventing you from falling off the side of the mountain that almost look like sails on a windy day.  You know these because Bode Miller skis on them from time to time.

Either way you slice it, these nets have kept many a bad crash from getting worse, and are a huge part of making ski racing as safe as can be.  However, they are now out of date, washed up, yesterday's news.  Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you... the C net.  No one knows for sure whether the C stands for "cornice", or possibly "compound fracture", or maybe even "crippling concussion", but everyone can tell it's effective.  I bring you Alessandra Vidori, testing out what this technology can do.

Are you impressed?  Are you sold?  Are you impressed she's alive and emailed that to me herself?  I am.  I sure am.  C net, coming to a mountain near you.  Crashes to  Slalom Ace out.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Night Train Keeps Rolling

From the slopes of Scandinavia!  This clip looks just like your average night at the bars for me.  Not great to begin with, but signs of promise.  Then, right when the finish line is in sight...

Thanks to Filip for the video!  Send good crashes to  I'm looking forward to seeing some Colorado vids!  Slalom Ace out.

Monday, October 13, 2014

Double Snow Snake. LETHAL.

Listen.  Snow snakes are getting more and more serious.  This is not good.  This guy got a snakebite early, and then another.  Fourth fucking gate!  It's starting to look like a... DOUBLE SNOW SNAKE!  Jesus.  Save the children, save the wives!  Save yourself!  Slopes ain't safe.  Momma, don't send your babies to Solden.

Thanks to Mattis for the video.  You're my boy, Mattis.  Crashes to  Slalom Ace out.

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Phil Brown -- Snow Snake Saturday

#snowsnakesaturday, coming to you via Phil Brown from the mean slopes of Hintertux.  As Drake and Elon Musk both say, that went 0 to 100 real quick.  It looks like this could be a bad season for snow snakes.  Due to a variety of reasons (socio-economic, global warming), snow snakes are hungrier than ever.  Back in my day, you never would have seen a snow snake on the 4th gate.  But snow snakes have families too, and they need to eat.  Sorry Phil.

On a side note, Hintertux is an awesome name.  I think that's what Captain Von Trapp wears, come to think of it.
"Yes... ?  No."
Thanks to Phil for the crash.  Send more to  Slalom Ace out.

Sunday, October 5, 2014

GS Molltal Straddle

From the slopes of Austria, I bring you a nice straddle for Sunday.  I'm a big fan of delayed gratification, and this crash delivers in oodles.  What were you thinking?  That's the bad boy line!  You can't ski the bad boy line!  Who do you think you are?

Also, look at the distance of that left ski.  Look at where our boy ends up.  That is legitimately a two minute walk.  If I were him I'd probably just head to the bottom and take a lap.  Maybe work on some one ski drills, and save the stuff in the gates for later in the season.  Thanks to Sindre for the footage!  Send me crash vids to  Blah blah blah, Slalom Ace out.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Math is Hard

So is this crash.  According to Robby Kelly, if I first started blogging in 2007-2008, then this might actually be the 8th season of Slalom Tokyo Drift.  Whatever.  Breaking Bad was only six seasons, and that was pretty good.  Anyway, here's a vintage triple cork gone wrong, it seems to be from an X games tryout.  But it's hard to know for sure.  Bobby Poehling going HAM before HAM was a thing in Aspen.

Thanks to Christian for resurfacing the video!  I know you all are going to Colorado soon.  And crash you will.  When you do, send it here.  Slalom Ace out.