Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Our New Winter Intern

Hi all,

Thanks so much for everyone who sent in an application!  Truth be told, I didn't think anyone would apply, so I was a little overwhelmed actually dealing with it.  So that was something new.  In the end, we had eighteen applications, but one stood out from the rest.  I'd like to introduce to you... Hot Intern Sam!
Thinking of sick captions
Kid wouldn't know what a flip looked like if it bit him.
Sam can make the good girls bad for the weekend like nobody's business.  He hit triple digits squatting (not metric) and is just starting to win the fight against puberty.  He's going to be a great addition to the STD team.  Additionally, I'd like to share the best pieces from all the applications.  First, here's a bunch of pictures of Julia and Lindsey:

Yeah, that seems about right.  Now, onto the best answers:

Kjetil or Aksel?  Why? (Two sentences max)
  • Jansrud all day.. dudes got sweet flow, he's built like a rock and he looks like bear.
  • Aksel because he is a legend. And his hair is nice.
  • I prefer Aksel because I like the fact that he let his crash and injury at Beaver Creek force him to push himself even harder to excel instead of shying away
  • I prefer good decisions over bad decisions because if you make a bad decision it's most likely going to end up bad so at least if you make a good decision it's more likely to end up good and if not... at least you had good intentions. 
Do you prefer good decisions or bad decisions?
  • Trick question getting sendy for the boys is always a good descision
  • I prefer to make decisions regardless of their inherent quality
  • I like to make good decisions, but it turns out that I make bad ones. 
How would you deal with the two random Czech girls that always DM me dimly lit pictures of them smoking cigarettes?
  • Invite them to the promise land
  • We call the cops upon the party they are at. Everyone would be forced to leave while we throw a banger on the same night.. boom, everyone from that party comes our party including the czech girls, we take them upstairs, then we go to work.
  • There are really 2 ways to go about this:
    • 1. You could block them.
    • 2. If you're into that kinda stuff, let it happen and see where it goes, at least they're not sending videos of videos, right?
  • Send them back pictures of those people that have holes in their throat because they smoked too much then caption it "Can I get a light?"
  • I would deal with the Czech girls either by ignoring them, blocking them or telling them something around the lines of smoking doesn't help skiing, or smoking doesn't have anything to do with skiing, or smoking is bad for your soul.
  • I would take a very specific approach to dealing with the Czech girls who inbox you pictures of them smoking lit cigarettes. Fortunately they are still in the lit cigarette phase and have not gone onto eating the cigarettes straight out of the pack. The fist thing I would do is befriend them so that they trust me. They would believe that I am their friend. Eventually I would get invited over to their home in Prague or some other Czech city. While I am at their home, I would slowly replace all of their family pictures in their home to saved pictures of them smoking the cigarettes. I would do this slowly at first, as to not attract suspicion, then all at once before I leave so they can't beat me up for getting them in trouble. Finally, I would sell the cigarettes that I steal from their home, as there are bound to be many there and they would not notice any missing. That way we would both be very rich and we could buy out marker bindings and destroy them forever as they are an abomination. 
What is your favorite instagram filter?
  • Juno
  • Normal filter cause I'm not a pussy
  • Lark because it brings out the color of snow
  • My favorite instagram filter is #nofilter #hashtagblessed
  • I don't really use instagram filters because I think they're stupid. So i don't have a favourite. But I have a least favourite and that's all of them.
  • Either Willow or Slumber
  • Juno
Again, thank you to everyone that applied.  I heard skiracing.com is taking applications, if you're looking for something with a little less exposure, maybe you can work your way up to the big leagues!  We've got great plans for the upcoming season.  Congratulations, Sam.  Slalom Ace out.

Friday, July 17, 2015

2015-2016 Intern Search

Hello ski racing world.  Slalom Tokyo Drift is on the lookout for a winter intern.  Slalom Tokyo Drift är på jakt efter en vinter praktikant.  Slalom Tokyo Drift ist auf der suche nach einem winter intern.

Yes, you'll get the password to the Instagram account.  You'll get fame beyond your wildest dreams and an experience that you can feel confident putting up on that top spot on the resume.  Slalom Tokyo Drift runs the world, and that includes Linkedin, big time.

Responsibilities include: 
  • Posting pictures on Instagram
  • Posting videos on Instagram
  • Making captions that are funny, but not too funny
  • Creating clever alliterative hashtags that somewhat relate to the media you're posting
  • Scoring fatties
  • Flipping it
  • Getting sendy for the boys
  • Figuring out how we're gonna make money
  • Strong hashtag game
  • Strong quads (must be able to squat 315 with good form)
  • Rock a 4 degree bevel for slalom
  • Solid personal instagram following (ideally 500+)
  • SL/GS – 1 top 70 FIS WR and any second event top 190 FIS WR OR 3 top 15 results in any Europa Cup race
  • GPA above 3.0, but below 3.6
To apply:

Send an email to slalomtokyodrift@gmail.com with the following:

  1. Kjetil or Aksel?  Why? (Two sentences max)
  2. A picture of Lindsey Vonn frowning
  3. An alliterative hashtag for every day of the week for this photo:
#wipeoutwednesday, etc.
  1. Do you prefer good decisions or bad decisions?
  2. How would you deal with the two random Czech girls that always DM me dimly lit pictures of them smoking cigarettes?
  3. A picture of Julia Mancuso smiling
  4. Your favorite Slalom Tokyo Drift photo
  5. Your favorite Slalom Tokyo Drift video
  6. What is your favorite ski area?
  7. What is your favorite instagram filter?
May the crashes be big, the recovery time be short, and the B-net of life set up to catch you whenever you fall.  Slalom Ace out.